As Friday’s lend themselves to playing catch-up, here is some Internet Gold that I’ve loved over the past few weeks.

The Gospel and the (Im)perfect Marriage - “Depending on how well we do in our own eyes, perfectionism can play out in a variety of negative responses: feelings of worthlessness, inordinate preoccupation with the opinions of other people, paralyzing fear, impatience with others, and a sense of superiority.”

Shaping a Child’s Soul: A task to Important to be Entrusted to a Professional -  “Efficiency is not the goal of gospel-motivated ministry.”

How to Save Money around the Home - “Sometimes we put these small changes off because we forget just how much money we could save if we do them.”

The Secret to Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids - “We live in complex times. As I work with thousands of parents and faculty each year, I’m increasingly convinced we have a more engaged set of adults who care about kids today than at any time since I began my career in 1979. Simultaneously, however, I am observing a more troubled population of kids, especially by the time they reach their teen years. It appears at first like an oxymoron. How can such a cared-for generation experience such emotional difficulties?”

• One is hyper organized, moderately controlling, quick to ask forgiveness, and genuinely compassionate with others.

• The other is charming, a rock solid friend, super fun, and is not ashamed to give out a hug when it’s needed.

• The third one has a deep desire to be a good friend, is a strong and vocal leader and reminds us all the most of her mother.

These are my 3 children in a nutshell. So many different qualities, and so many easy to assume futures. I understand birth order, but I don’t buy it entirely. Just because my middle child is funny and gregarious, doesn’t mean he can’t grow up to be thoughtful and sensitive. My first-born is classic in so many ways, but I don’t want him locked into that ‘first born syndrome’ his entire life.

I believe that God can and will shape my children in ways that their ‘birth order’ will not make sense of.

Here is how I protect their differences, while waiting with expectancy about what they are still yet to become.

Celebrate them. I celebrate what they are today. It’s so easy to talk about what’s ‘wrong‘ and ‘needs fixing‘ in their lives, but I work hard as a father to celebrate the greatness I already see. My daughter is so gentle with her baby dolls, and while I know that is not a guarantee that she becomes a great mother; it’s ignorant to pass up the opportunity to talk about how that compassion towards an inanimate doll could be a gift of compassion developing somewhere in her heart.

Stay undecided. What they’re good at today, may not be what their good at tomorrow. Vice versa that as well. There is the obvious, but there is also the ‘just under the surface’ stuff there as well. Sure, my 9-year-old struggles with multiplication. But does that mean he will struggle with all math the rest of his life? Of course it doesn’t. It breaks my heart when parents tag their kids giftings too early. Let them breathe, let them grow and then learn to …

Dream with them. Never stop asking questions, “What do you want to become?” I use my questions to talk about things they’d want in a future spouse, what parts of the country they’d want to live in, and where certain jobs and careers could take them.

As a parent, it’s my responsibility to help my kids grow, learn, dream, and become the adults God wants them to be. I want them to hear God’s voice, respond to that voice, and then depend on Him to carry it out. It all begins with just letting them grow.

They don’t belong to me anyways, right? I have a suspicion God has much bigger plans for them then their mother or I could ever have.

I was agitated. I had a long day at work. The lasagna I made took 4x as long to make and clean up than it did to eat, and no one was even all that impressed by it.

I was busy getting the last of dinner put away before we needed to jet out the door to get to my 5th grade son Ryan’s baseball game. As I rinsed the final dish I said to my 1st grade daughter, “Lauryn, I need you to brush your hair and get your shoes on your feet. Right now. We’ve gotta go.”  I ran upstairs to toss a load of clothes in the dryer and pull on my shoes.  Jog back down the stairs… to see Lauryn still sitting in the middle of the living room floor.  Hair a mess.  No shoes.  Clearly day dreaming.

The agitation I mentioned in paragraph one had now escalated.

I stopped. Looked at her. And thought, “I cannot think of a consequence for her at this moment.  My brain is fried.  I am annoyed.  I am late.  She is not ready to go.  What consequence is appropriate here….other than letting loose with the “Are you KIDDING me right now?!?!” speech that I wanted to spew all over her messy-headed self.  In my agitation, I was baffled as to what I should even say or do.

Then, in that still small voice, I hear the Lord say “If anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask the Father who gives graciously to all without finding fault.”

Okay then, Lord.  I need some help here.  I need some wisdom.

Then, “Look at her.”

I see her, Lord.  She’s shoeless with messy hair and she is making me late.

“Look again. Look.”

I see her, Lord.  Okay, yes.  Yes…. [deep breath] I see.  She’s seven, and precious, and caught up in her own sweet world that’s full of innocent daydreams. But Lord, she clearly disobeyed.  I told her to brush her hair.  Find her shoes.  She didn’t.  What now?

“Grace.”

Grace?

“Yes. Grace.  Lighten up.  She can put her shoes on in the car, and the baseball fields don’t require combed hair for entrance. It’s okay.  Take a breath, and enjoy her.  Gather her up sweetly, guide her with shoes in hand to the car, and go watch your boy play some baseball.”

Oh. Okay. Yes. I guess I can do that.

———-

At the ball fields, a hat covering up that unbrushed hair!

And so off we went. The Holy Spirit gifted me with a change of heart: From agitation…to enjoyment. From wanting to discipline her (not for her benefit, but because I was annoyed)….to extending grace.  He is so, so good to answer when we call to Him. Sometimes the answer saves the mood of the entire evening. I so enjoyed riding to baseball singing along to the radio together, rather than spending the drive lecturing!

Obviously, I am all for kids learning to be quick to obey, and I expect that my kids respect me by doing what I ask. But I’m grateful for a God who sees the whole picture and knows when a mom needs to be reminded to just take a breath and lighten up. Sometimes, it’s just a pair of shoes.

Baseball, soccer, and gymnastics make up many afternoons and evenings in our house. It would seem that we enjoy the sports-scene, and that is very true. I love watching my kids run around a baseball field, learn to get better at soccer, and take on the challenge of a new gymnastics routine. However, I also know there are limits to every good thing. There is a place we can get into with extracurricular activities that begin to push us beyond a healthy pace.

Here are the Cliff family guardrails to help keep these outside interests in proper perspective:

The kids have to enjoy it. Yes, they are forced to finish what they commit to. Yes, they are forced to attend practices. No, I do not force them to sign-up each season. I want my kids to enjoy the experience, and if they are only doing it because I like them to do, then it won’t last. The fun has to be there for it to really work.

They have to do something extracurricular. While I don’t require them to do one thing over another, I do require them to do something outside of the normal. It could be sports, music, or art classes. We’ve had them involved in each of those at one time or another.

There is an end date in view. Baseball is a spring sport. It is not a fall sport for our family. Soccer is 10 weeks long, not 25 weeks long for our family. Granted, my kids aren’t yet teenagers, but we work hard to make sure the experience has a clear ending time.

All normal rules apply. They need to make wise choices, they should treat others the way they wanted to be treated, and they will use the experience to show Christs love in a practical way. Extracurricular isn’t an escape from reality, it’s a new arena to practice all that life expects from us.

Give our best. Giving your very best involves practicing, trying hard, and never giving up when things get tough. In fact, that’s probably why I lean so strongly towards competitive sports. There is something to working together as a team to accomplish a goal that I love my kids to be involved with.

Of course, there are always exceptions. These are just some healthy ways we keep all that we do in the right perspective. We are a family FIRST, we are not baseball players first. We are a family FIRST, we are not slaves to gymnastics practice. We are a family FIRST, we are not victims of the soccer schedule.

How do you keep things healthy for your kids in these busy seasons?

A rhythm is something we do with regularity. Maybe it’s everyday, or every few days, but it’s something that you could set your clocks to because it will happen. It’s my goal to leverage my normal rhythms to make the investment that lasts in my kids lives.

We are a family of 5, and inevitably every few days entails Starr or I running an errand. Whether it’s the post office, grocery shopping, pharmacy, grocery shopping for what we forgot the first time, or just skattershooting around town; we spend a lot of time in the car out and about. While it can be tempting to let the kids stay at home, and do my stuff faster, I’m learning to resist that and take them along. Here’s how it works for me:

They have to want to go.|| I don’t make my kid go with me to the store, unless they just have to. I’ll tell you that if you can make the trip worth it a few times, then they’ll be begging to be with you.

Give them a job. || Always, always, always find a reason that you could use their help on your journey. Pushing the basket, carrying something into the house, or holding something in their lap while you drive there. I sincerely do need their help sometimes, and my kids have all loved feeling needed in this way.

Ask Questions. || So you want some private, alone time with that 9 year old? Here you go. The kid is buckled into their car seat and you have them with you for however long it takes to get where you’re going. I’ve talked about this many times before, but learn to ask leading questions and use the conversation to get to know these great young leaders in new ways.

Create a secret. || I’m not a huge fan of buying my kids junk at the store, as it breeds selfishness and begging down the road. However, there are times that stopping for a milkshake and encouraging them to drink it before we get home is a golden moment to a 7 year old. I’ve bought things when we’ve been out, let them start the ignition with the car key (with me behind the wheel), shift the car into reverse and drive, sit up front on a short drive, and pick their own music on Spotify from the iPhone. All of these things are “our secret” and they love it.

Be exceptionally patient. || With 3 kids shopping, it can be an unnerving experience sometimes, but with one kid I can afford to take my time, and let them figure out things on their own. Maybe this is my issue alone, but I find it much easier to slow down when only having one kid at a time on an adventure.

Here’s the real fear parents: Your kids won’t always want to go with you. I know that day is coming and it scares me to death. Join me in making the most of the time we have and leveraging every opportunity to let our kids know us and us to know them.

Have you discovered any creative ways to connect with your kids on daily rhythms? 

Few people know that I was a Meeting Management Major in college. I think the name of the degree has changed somewhat, but it was essentially a tourism management degree with a special emphasis in conference, exposition, and convention management (meeting management.)

I would do internships at these big conferences where people were looking for work, philandering about with strange women, and filling up that travel expense budget for their companies. It was schmooze city.

Now I’m 37 and in spite of those experiences, I love a good conference!  In fact, I will be spending much of the next week at The Orange Conference in Atlanta. It’s called ORANGE, because we believe that if we could create rich experiences for children and students including both the family (RED) and the church (YELLOW) we would have something that reflects ORANGE. Get it?

There will be some schmoozing here, I guess; but then again there is that about anywhere you go these days. As I’ve prepared to go, and prepared to write some of my experiences, I’ve felt compelled to share why someone that doesn’t work in a church should want their church leaders to be at something like the Orange Conference.

• It’s Different. // The music is different, the speakers are different, the ideas are different, the environment is different, and for much of us it’s a fun mixture of all the familiar and unfamiliar in one place. This is good for your leaders. They will either come back with something fresh for your church, or they come home with stronger convictions than ever that you are doing it the right way for your church.

• It’s Fun. // It’s always fun to spend time with old friends, and make some new friends. Maybe that’s the schmoozing I wrote about earlier… It’s good for your leaders to enjoy themselves, especially with other people that think and create like they do.

• It’s Challenging. // I can guarantee you that if you send your leaders to Orange, they will be challenged on something they’ve elevated to sacred status. This is a good thing. Sacred Cows make the best hamburgers anyways.

• It’s Out of Town. // That’s a weird one, I know. There is something symbolic about packing that suitcase, getting in a car, waiting at an airport, and arriving somewhere unfamiliar. It lends itself to a journey, and that’s exactly what you’re asking your leaders to do, right? “Go on over there, and come back and tell us what you see.”

This may be the most unconvincing argument for letting your church leaders attend something like the Orange Conference; but take it from the sincerest parts of my heart. It’s this “getting away with other leaders” idea that could be really, really good for the local churches in all different parts of this country and beyond!

It’s the end of another long day, and it’s bedtime. My kids are old enough to get themselves dressed now, and don’t really need a “tucking” into bed. Their rooms are upstairs, and I’m out back on the porch enjoying the crickets and solitude. It is often tempting to let them meander themselves to bed, turn out their own lights, and then I’ll see them in the morning.

However, in my quest to make a lasting impression on my kids, I rise from the porch and commit myself to the last consistent rhythm to each day: Putting My Kids to Bed.

There are a few things that happen every night, and a few other things that happen upon request from the kids:

The GoodBye Handshake. You’ve got one with your kids, right? It’s secret, and we practice it everyday. It’s unique to just Dylan and Dad, but don’t worry, because Dylan has another secret handshake with Mom too.

Kiss the Girl. I kiss my boys, but they never ask for it. My daughter however, insists on it. Why would any sane father pass up a request like that? I’ve heard from older dads that it won’t always be there, and that fear alone makes me rarely pass on signs of affection from my little girl.

Saying Thank You. Many nights I work to find something really excellent my kids have done on that day, and tell them that I saw it. Maybe it’s a clean room, or a good grade on a spelling test, but I always try to leave them with something I really love about their day. Sometimes it can be difficult, but it’s usually there somewhere.

Ask about Tomorrow. Anything on your mind for tomorrow? Want to pray for anything that’s coming up?

Pray. I wish I could sincerely tell you that I pray with my kids each night, but it just doesn’t happen every single night. I read once that our kids aren’t given to us, as much as they are gifted to us for a season. That being true, I always use it as an excuse to pray this prayer:

“Thank you Jesus for letting Ryan live in my house and be my child. I’ll always be grateful for the gift that he is to this family. Help me to be a father he will follow, and help Ryan grow just a little closer to you every day. Amen.”

It’s that time of year again. Since 2008, I’ve had a fun opportunity to spend a week in Atlanta, Georgia with friends that do my job and those that love the things we do. I have a real passion for parents, kids, and everyone that loves them; and when I’m in Atlanta at the Orange Conference I never feel more surrounded by likeminded people than I do when I’m there.

In honor of what will be a few updates from the Orange Conference 2013, I give you the Friday Bag…Orange Edition.

New Orange Conference Family Ministry Track — This is a great opportunity to really narrow down what we do for families within our church, and it’s a special chance for me to lead a breakout with these same leaders. I’m stoked to be teaching “Clarifying the Win for Family Ministry” on Thursday Afternoon, April 25th.

Tune into The Orange Conference! – “We’d love for everyone to be here in person for OC13, but realize that’s not always an option. So, we’d like to offer you the next best thing: tune in online. You’ll be able to see on and off-stage action, including session streaming, speaker interviews, mayhem and hi-jinx, resource updates and giveaways, and perhaps even win a ticket to OC14!” 

The Orange Conference App – “If you’re planning to attend The Orange Conference this Spring in Atlanta, Georgia, this app will help make your experience on site pretty darn stellar.”

Why come to Orange Conference 2013? from Orange on Vimeo.

Deuteronomy 6:7 “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

I like to eat. Granted I don’t eat a ton, as I tend to fall into the skinny category of body shapes; but I do love a good meal. In fact, I love it so much that I eat every day. More than that, I eat more than once throughout the day. You might have heard of them, but we call it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If I have to eat, and I know that everyone else in my family has to eat, then it’s important that I leverage this commonality to get that quality time any way I can.

It has long been a rhythm in our house that we eat dinner together. When the kids were little, we would throw that baby carrier up on the table with us. When they were little and throwing cheerios all over the place, they would be joined by very on-guard parents attempting to eat their meals at the same time.

I know live in that moment where we’ve got soccer and baseball monopolizing nights away from home, but we still work hard to make it happen. What’s the secret?

Not all meals are the same. Take what you can get when you can get it.

Sometimes we have time and great conversations filled with questions and answers and stories and happenings from all over the neighborhood and world. But many times we just eat together for 5 minutes before we run out of the house, and in do so we are forcing ourselves to sit together. In this world of busy-ness, that sitting together is the most valuable thing we have sometimes.

I remember having foster kids in our house, and when we’d all sit down together to eat we’d get the funniest looks. When a 4 year old shoots you the, “This is funny. Are we all going to eat together?” look then we knew something was missing from their lives. This rhythm has always been our gift to whoever is living in our house at any given time. In fact, if you’ve ever been invited over to dinner then you’ve been allowed in on our most hallowed time together!

How can you make dinner time work for you? Have you found this valuable for your family?

Deuteronomy 6:7 “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

As a parent it can be exhausting to “find the time” to talk about what’s important. There is tremendous value in finding the time that is already there to get you started. Here is an actual nearly daily event that my family has found to be valuable.

Driving to school each morning is our first main interaction as a family.

I know, I know…we are around each other much earlier while getting ready, and sometimes eating breakfast; but we are not morning people in our house and any meaningful conversations tend to happen on the way to school.

I try not to “teach” on this car trip, as much as just remind them that I’m praying about the things that matter to them at school that day. I simply ask,

“What happening that’s a big deal at school today?”

It’s through that conversation that I can remind them how they are gifted to get through whatever their answer is. It’s also when I find out what’s on their mind in the morning, and it’s where I can speak into how excited I am for what their day holds.

It’s also on this car trip that we get to set the tone for our day. I point out beautiful sunsets, foggy meadows, and dew on the grass. I’m a nature inspired follower of God, and I get to share this with my kids each morning driving to school.

When we finally get to the end of our 5 minute drive, I always, always, always, always tell them that I believe they were made for the day they are about to have. It’s my way of coaching them into what could be a very important day for them. I’m not a rah-rah sort of dad, but why miss an obvious chance to send them off with some love?

What are some ways you use the mornings to introduce faith to your family?

Maybe your city is like my city, in that people love this place. We brag about it, we enjoy all the happenings around town, and we never miss a chance to show it off to visitors. Some of those lovers of this city started something called “Athens Is” and it’s blown up to a full scale art show that has brought together charities, churches, and businesses.

My Athens was born out of a desire to unite the people of Athens, Ga., to celebrate the many beautiful aspects of the city. Photographers—of any experience—posted photos on Instagram capturing the essence of The Classic City and tagged them with the hashtag #my_athens.

The website is stellar, but the idea is golden.

#MY_ATHENS from Southern Lights Productions on Vimeo.

Spring is here. The trees are starting to bud and the scent of new life is in the air. Spring is one of my favorite times of the year. One thing that comes with every spring for me is the little conference I attend every year in Atlanta called Orange Conference. Ha! There’s nothing little about Orange Conference!

This year makes my fifth year to attend this great conference. From time to time, people ask me why I keep going back. “Once you get this whole ‘Orange’ thing, can’t you move on to something new?” For me, Orange Conference has become a part of my annual routine because each year, it’s a totally different experience. I come home with different ideas, have different conversations and each event inspires me in a fresh new way. It’s less about the “event” and more about the people and conversations that accompany the conference (but I must say, the “event” is spectacular). There are very few places where so many people are gathered in the same place for a few days that challenge and inspire me so much within the context of the ministry I’m currently in. Why wouldn’t I make my way to participate each year?

Now, I must say that this year is very unique for me. Something is happening at OC13 that is not happening anywhere else, and I think it is incredible. This year, Orange Conference is hosting a specialized breakout track for NextGen/Family Ministry leaders. Not just people who are responsible for family elements of ministry, but those in the unique staff role of both student and children’s ministry oversight. It’s a very new, but rapidly growing role within the church and there’s so much to learn. Orange has put together some amazing communicators to talk about the things NextGen/Family Ministry leaders are dealing with. These breakouts attempt to define the role and the family ministry team. This track aims to process through the biggest hurdles leaders in this role will face. What I’m even more excited about is gathering and rubbing shoulders with others in this role as we all learn together.

Breakouts include:

• Leading a NextGen Meeting with Kenny Conley
• NextGen/Family Ministry Leadership: Leading 360 Degrees with Michael Bayne
• The Art of Delegation with Powell Grisham
• Family Ministry 101: Defining the NextGen/Family Ministry Team with Darren Kizer
• Leading Through Conflict Resolution with Kenny Conley and Jim Wideman
• Clarify the Win: Narrowing Down What is Most Important in Your Ministry with Jonathan Cliff

So, if you are in this role, or you work with someone in this role, OC13 is the place to be this April.

If you’d like more info about the various tracks at OC13, we’ve added for 2013 are Track Champions and a greater explanation of our tracks. You can read more about the goals of the each track here (http://www.whatisorange.org/orangeconference/2013/new) and watch the videos here (http://vimeo.com/whatisorange) to offer further explanation.

Easter Opener 2012 from North Point Media on Vimeo.

These two monkey are my sons. Ryan, the one on the left, is 10 years old and in the 5th grade. Dylan, the one that needs a haircut, is on the right and he’s 9 years old and in the 3rd grade. They are 100% boys, and I love to bounce things off them from time to time. I mean that both literally with objects and figuratively like books that publishers send me.

One of these such books is The Action Bible from my friends at David C. Cook. They’ve had an Action Bible in their bedrooms for over a year, so they were familiar with the graphical wonderland of this fun book. David C. Cook sent us a devotional for me try out, so I passed it on to the boys and told them I’d ask some questions after two weeks. (The devotion is broken up into one-a-week segments, but I asked them to complete at least 5 of the devotions. )

The questions are mine, but the responses are straight from them!

#1. Tell me about The Action Bible. What is it? How is it different than other bibles?

 

RYAN || Well, the action bible is totally different because it’s all in comic book form of the bible! It’s every thing a boy would love!

DYLAN || It is different then other bibles becouse you can write in it and it gives me questions.

RYAN || I liked the missions you had to do after you read the little comic. Like there was one where you had to build noahs’s ark out of legos or something. I also like the ‘x-ray vision’ which was about what the story meant and how to apply it to our lives.

DYLAN || I loved the missions most of all!

RYAN || Yes, it was very easy to use it with all the ‘inside information’ and instructions for the things you could do.

DYLAN || Yes, because you just write down whatever you learn from reading it.

RYAN || There isn’t anything that makes me not like it.

DYLAN || Not really.

RYAN || I think it’s important for kids like me to read the bible so we could know how to act like jesus and learn about making wise choices.

DYLAN || Because we learn stuff and when you learn stuff you get smarter.

Check out all of the newly released Action Bible tools.

• Action Bible New Testament

• Action Bible Devotional

• Action Bible Handbook